Mrs Dalloway

There is nothing I wouldn’t want
I am not lacking of anything
I am not perfect, but I am beautiful
I am not being self-centered
I am just saying that even if I am not pretty
I can try to be pretty interesting
and that matters to me and some people

Sometimes I wonder about all my broken loves
small loves, intense loves, touching loves and imagined loves,
and I realized my loves had a big, heart appetite
and too many tune out the large —- thin is in
so is skin but I rather eat poached eggs with bread
would you like some too?
It’s not that healthy to a person who is a calorie counter I guess
but I respect calorie counters unless they anorexic
I wish I could sometimes sing like the crowd
things seem to be easier
but like any passionier I remind myself
that life too easy is love like runny eggs

Sometimes I think about my old friends
some close, some lost, some far
some started to love me more, some started to hate me more
maybe I deserve them both — I don’t want enemies
I can say now that I am a broken car
but broken cars go downhill  faster and uphill funnier
I am not too dangerous; I am like a spider laying eggs and nets
spiders are creepy at times but I find them nice

Sometimes I think about broken dreams
like scratches or holes in the wall
and ruins of an old age gone that I visit with odd hours
not kept by soldier clocks on duty but people clocks non conformed
and then I realize that this deluge of broken pieces make me unique
idiosyncratic, postmodernistic, Oh God an original phfantastic!
It hurts to see idyllics peel over but our freckles are great!
they know they are the reefs of a lovely ocean of me

But life mundane I kiss you so
Life excitement I know you are here
inside corners; playing hide and seek

Waiting for an embrace of love
I wish I was more to be loved

I don’t mean sex you know and I’m not being “gay” or it’s not a female thing
I want to offer love
but not like flimsy kissing booths
it can’t be sold in a shop
and there is no definite wares
that’s why I think it hurts, smiles, feels and lives



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