This is so gut wrenching and visceral. I cannot compare to this experience but in other ways I can. So, let me leave a blog post for that. But in short I spent a very lonely childhood; it may be materialistic happy but emotionally bereft. We had a lot of family problems. My parents loved me. Yet they couldn’t always save me from the abuse I got. It was very mental and emotionally charged; it hardly got physical but it didn’t need to be. Because all of them did physical damage. I remember always feeling God why can’t anyone like me? Why am I so wrong? I am just as I am. What;’s so wrong with that? For a young child these are very painful experiences.