Not me (anymore?)

 

why is it easy to  curse someone; than to praise, a given context?
is everything a label of nothings except virile pessimism?
thinking about Ariel and Caliban — the two possibilities
the two thrones of thought; one a good worker other an obstinate self
were they not mirror images, true identicals presented as opposites?
when Ariel cooed, Caliban cursed and grew wings the better…both were
emperors of their identity; both have more control than they had pondered…
both are supposed to be more in a person than a dominant stangler —
when I think of my so called self and how people around define it
one tends to realize it’s  not fair, one wants to fight as a Caliban
but is told to be an Ariel  because that is best but the best support
to get rid of awful tags is a noble goal  — shamed as an individual —
detailed fake incompetence, you can’t be sexual, it’s such a shame
to have erotic goals or wants even if they are entitled in a marriage blanket
you can’t breathe without a small hair out of place facing criticism…

my confidence has been burned, bent and broken that even a rust tears for it
as a bag of inept charcoal shadows a person; outlines the paper mache of my
so-defined unclean heart which has been judged so much that it has forget and
had deigned to be numb and kiss tiny ennuis that face the truth of wounds and
abuses — massive as the great deluge, massive as the star-death, massively turning
on slits and not toes; not permitted to walk a zigzag or a straight line; I am nursed
by apathy and I am losing a balance that I once emitted. Each word a tear in my lung,
a scar on my heart a myopic damage to the brain. I am becoming self-conscious again,
becoming bereft from my own being…

— and you still want to captain this capsized vessel into oblivion, you treated me worse than
your dogs, your cupboarded cutlery and your enormous works of decorative art — I am a person
still and I will still remain a person; your acknowledgment doesn’t define me, your cruelty may expire
bits of me, in a smothered pillow way yet I refuse to asphyxiate, my dribbling, strangling, tongue still
write alphabets of me…▬

Speak yer mind

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