Not everyone will like you — Medium

via Not everyone will like you — Medium.

One day, you find a yellow orchid in your room

But you don’t like orchids

A week later, the orchid starts flourishing

But you still don’t like orchids

Two weeks later you notice a golden reflection on its surface

You start disliking the orchid a little less

A month later, you bow to the orchid

For despite your dislike the orchid kept flourishing

And just like the orchid not everyone is going to like you

But as you continue flourishing many will admire you

I really loved this poem I saw in the Blogging platform Medium. I mean this was one of the best pieces I read today (though I didn’t read much today or any day, my reading is as daft and dry as  an iguana in a snowman outfit). I really know this does feel true. Not being liked is a case that is  considered quite important — two other stories seem to capture my attention focusing on likeability a) Mark Zuckerberg, the founder and maker of Facebook, has willingly become homeless to prove a point for likeability (he did it to have solidarity with homeless people) and b) NHS gets both critical feedback and admiration after Justin Bieber endorses for it. The second story has probably more to do with national health care than likeability but the NHS is a subject of much talked about criticism. If you ever lived in the UK or visited it for a long period of time you will know funding the NHS is a mammoth issue. And funding on it depends on likeability to an extent (I can be wrong but I feel rather than know it to be that way).  Zuckerberg’s act followed his own criticism. Some of it is unfair. Others like the one by Mike Goldsmith, actually shows a better response:

Mark Zuckerberg making himself homeless is like a bulldog making himself a vegetarian. Selling stock ,buying a tent and deciding to camp out is not being homeless. Being homeless is when you lose everything, not give it up. It’s when you are forced to face the harshest elements of life by circumstance , not by choice. Camping out on a sidewalk, eating in a soup kitchen by choice isone thing but doing it as your only means of survival,that’s quite something else

I am sure Mark means well, but if he really wants to do something he should abandon these optics and do something that will really make a difference. With his resources he should do something to address the circumstances that put most of his new found friends on the street in the first place. He has the means to create and fund opportunities that would help a lot of people find new meaning and purpose. He could be a force behind new sources of rehab, retraining and jobs. Unfortunately, this “Look at me” optic is not the way to go.

So mark, If you really want to help, get off the street and actually do something that will make a difference. Stop acting like the lost little boy with to many toys and act more like the captain of innovation that you are….

That does make sense actually. We do get derailed to actually want “likeability” and this actually affects who we are. Like many people don’t talk about their editing processes feeling that likeability is focused on some template of genius. And that is true, we are all inculcated to believe the genius requires no effort. And for a while  I believed that too. Actually, the genius might need more effort in many things and that, with her/his innate vision, is genius is usually born and borne. I will readily admit that I had to read the comments’ sections and also the main article to get the gist of what was happening in the Bieber article (the article by Williams is a bit vague if you ask me because I didn’t read the title properly but I also feel it paces on ambiguous  terms without announcing its ambiguity because it probably doesn’t know what to think about itself; it is a bit divided and that is fine). However, most people won’t mention that for likeability. I am not always going to put likeability in parenthesis because likeability and “likeability” are both concrete and also elusive phenomenon. Everyday likeability and the major form of “likeability” (as a collective or pouring into theme) is faced by all of us. We may not know it but many or some of our actions are based on likeability and “likeability” — though it is true that some social etiquette and politeness should be taught many people overburden themselves with it all the time leading to overall ungratefulness. And this is where “likeability” and likeability actually does fail.

Jonathan Franzen wrote an article of being liked saying it was for cowards. The article also mentions Donald Trump but it was written in 2011 (Trump’s recent comments are more on the extreme scale than on any likeability or “likeability” scale: that is another topic. It is one thing to be disliked by going your own way and another to be disliked for racism, totalitarianism, extremism, plutocracy and oligarchic need for control in human interests which become reduced and violated as your own interests), so, it is more on how consumer culture is based on wanting to be liked more and it has nothing to do with love. Love is an adaptation, poetry in progress and motion, love is also constructive criticism, helping you reach great heights — liking is more about satiating some immediate need and moving on. Though that is important too the main thing I gleaned and developed my own way from this article is that you can’t have either/or: one extreme corrupts the balance you have for yourself. We must do things we like but we must also be challenged and become finer, polished beings, so we require that love too, tough or soft, it’s a need and ultimately a want for us as humans.

As some short stories on depression show in Medium that liking, even for a gift, after a point fails. I put in part of the story down below:

“Karen! Guess what?” he asks excitedly.

I look at him to acknowledge his question.

“I got you an iPhone 5 instead of 4!”

I consider this. I consider him –– his face lit up in excitement and anticipation of my reaction. I feel nothing.

“Pretty cool, right?” he says as he hands me the box.

I take the box from him and shimmy it open to reveal the iPhone nestled in itspackaging. As I lift it from its shell and examine the polished design, I think about how I should be grateful.

“Thank you, daddy,” I say because it is the right thing to say. But I still feel nothing. It takes a Herculean effort to force the corners of my mouth up.

Thoughts wander aimlessly through my mind. I think about how my dad is trying so hard to make me happy. I think about how disappointed my lack of reaction must be. I think about how if I felt any emotion, I would feel guilty for being unable to show him happiness. Guilty for not having accepted his gift with more grace and grandeur.

The pain in this piece is obvious. After a point likeability can fail. To a person suffering depression liking, likeability and “likeability” fails big time. Because there are times, like when is depressed or suffering from depression, no gift can really cheer you up.

Well, likeability and “likeability” in themselves can be complicated issues but no matter how complicated the complex in you has a greater chance fate and faith to win. Because we were all made to be uniques in and with and within a collective. So, we are born into a middle-ground many a times. Unless, you truly want extremity or it is dished out on via circumstances, I don’t think you have to worry on it being your identity too much though another reality is it is hard not to worry too much either. We just have to find frequencies that work for us.

The orchid at the beginning of the poem may have blossomed elsewhere or change its pot and dirt; but as long as its reached this state it’s fine even if no one admired it immediately for it or at all. The thing is some honest things won’t be admired either but you can choose if that is something you can live without being appreciated for: whether you can or cannot doesn’t also determine your worth; you may be living a different life and may have different needs. When I was younger I read the dialogue between Jane Eyre and Helen Burns pertaining to this likeability and “likeability” (the novel itself tracing a lot around it) — I suspected that Burns was wrong when she thought Eyre’s humiliation publicly in their boarding school should not matter as long as God still loved her. I wasn’t wrong in thinking Helen Burns was wrong but I was wrong in thinking she totally was. Burns is not totally wrong. To her, this sort of humiliation did not matter, she was older than Eyre and probably had faced this form of torment previously, she has known that people can be stupid and hypocritical and cruel. But she is wrong to seem desensitised to it and not understanding Jane Eyre’s younger self’s need of acceptance and also how justice needed to be served there which only honesty and truth could help prevail in it. Yet, at the same time Jane Eyre should know that getting their aproval should not be her end goal. Both have right arguments in that debate. It was the frequency, the extent of each voice in it, that needed to be understood and possess a corrected pitch.

I would like to conclude with someone’s poem, who is at the moment, my favourite poet on the internet:

If there’s a tic in your toc

It wasn’t me – I am afraid

Of its –  r.a.p.i.d.n.e.s.s

Especially when running

So very – f.u.c.k.i.n.g – late

This poem by Mari Sanchez Cayuso is called Time. Someone in the comments stated that the use of expletives helps the piece. I agreed. If Mari was only vouching for likeability and “likeability” alone she may have exempted from it (though the young adult phenomenon of doing anything one wants is actually more with the grain than against it – that is also a separate topic; I just hinted on it). Yet, this piece is  hers and honesty and truth on her conditions and beings is always why I loved and liked Mari’s poems. I guess, in her own way, she has shown a great balance in her for both things.

Astigmatic 

Mari Sanchez Cayuso really talks about how being brilliant can actually be a curse to others who do not concur with that perception of brilliance. She is not being narcissistic; she is being truthful that you have a positive energy within you but people attempt to negate it. They want to negate it because it does not fit their image of brilliance and that actually becomes a burden. I faced this a bit myself. Perhaps I am not brilliant but I know how imposition of a pattern without much help on what can be done to improve or understand that pattern actually hurts the very fabric of your confidence and sometimes your being. But we shouldn’t give up: Mari hasn’t either. Mari has caught wind of the problem and she will ride it through and eventually defeat it. God has made us all unique and you know what this uniqueness does win. After all each snow crystal stays within a pattern but also develops their own.

Awakening The Asleep

This is a very important piece. Not many will understand it. A recent encounter has made me realise that not many would. They did not have to face this and probably never will. They may not be of an Anglo Saxon race or origin nor European beginnings but they may already been born with privileged passports and into so-called “World Powers” so they will never face these issues. They won’t face someone mispronouncing their name nor do they have to face the struggle between appropriating secularness with religiousness to accommodate others into their work and all of that. When you have ancestry from other places you will always be mapped from there. Many people who are probably from a place where their origins are erased or you know severed ties with may not face this problem as they have already cut that limb from them and called this place the new place or something so they are always beginning in this specific here and so from them they are just this and so communicating only a certain “this” when you are in a specific “there” is much easier. I asked a person at an airport where they are from. It was the Bangladesh airport and he said UK but I had to ask twice to iterate he may have Bangladeshi ancestry. I did this just to be sure as South Asian can mean also Indian and Pakistani or Sri Lankan or Nepali. But the fact he was recalcitrant to say it and was a bit avoidant of me later, only initially made me upset, but thing is he lives in a culture maybe he is still seen as a bit of a foreigner or with foreign origins and to be reminded of that comes with the baggage with many other painful experiences that this post makes me aware of. And many people will never have to face this. They are spared this pain. This feeling of isolation. And then they also think this means they need not practice any empathy. I have seen people uppity on this and I am afraid I do not like their attitude when it becomes that. Then again, I am happy this post was written. It was very needed.

Chronicles of Imperfectly Perfect

It was raining heavily as I waited for my Uber to arrive. My thoughtful Uber driver called me and calmly made sure of where I exactly was. It made the processes of hopping into the car as soon as it arrived fairly easy. I got myself seated comfortably in the car when Akram turned around and confirmed my destination. As we were on our way, Akram looked into the rare view mirror and asked, “How do you pronounce your name?”

th

“Well, I did pronounce it right until I came to States. To make it easy for people here to pronounce… currently, I say Fat-ma.”  I said, pretty disappointed at myself. Growing up I had issues with my name because I didn’t think it was cool enough. He asked me where I am from and when I asked him the same, he said he was from Iraq and we moved on…

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Oxytocin

There is a difference between love and oxytocin though oxytocin is prevalent in love it is not the only hormone and this is what Opi recognises 😀 Love becomes the drug when it overexaggerates its part meshed with oxytocin

Of Opinions

You’re my poison
Running through my blood
On your own accord.

You need conjured love
To catalyse you.
Breathing release
Through laboured bagfuls of air.

Counterfeit happiness
You spread all through
All for a moment
Your toxin is only brief, but lethal.

I slave for you night and day
And despair at your unpredicted airs.

Love is my drug
But, it’s only any good
When you come to visit.

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Choose A Worthy Opponent

“Well, I don’t define focusing on yourself to keep your sanity intact as a selfish act. But if you told me that making someone your slave is you focusing on your well-being, then that is not what I meant. Be emotionally independent, breath, learn to be in love with who you are, be in the moment, be silent but loud as you let your aura speak. And if you did right by your soul, you will come to a point where giving someone the right to decide to love you or not, be with you or not, affect you or not… will be the most liberating act of selflessness towards yourself.”

Some of the most liberating words I have ever read 🙂 and some of the best I have read in WordPress

Chronicles of Imperfectly Perfect

What I find interesting is when you have a physical injury, people don’t find it very difficult to say, “Nah man, you don’t have bruises on your face and arms… It’s all in your head.” Obviously because, physical abuse is fairly easy to prove versus emotional and psychological abuse. In cases of emotional and psychologically abused individual some common comments one is likely to hear are:

“It’s all in your head.” ” You’re a rebel.” “You’ve changed!”

Why can’t you be happy? May be you are choosing to be this way!” Many of those who comment at your behavior with certainty are those that believe they have no role to play in how you feel or who you have transitioned into. Probably because it’s easy to think that you woke up one day and chose to become an asshole (figuratively not literally … obviously) instead of…

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Beauty Is Broken — Matter — Medium

via Beauty Is Broken — Matter — Medium.

An articulation on what means to be a woman in a culture that voraciously greeds and feeds ideal female perfections.

Our Greatest Fear by Marianne Williamson

http://explorersfoundation.org/glyphery/122.html

Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson

it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

people won’t feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

—Marianne Williamson

Often said to have been quoted in a speech by Nelson Mandela. The source is Return to Love by Marianne Williamson, Harper Collins, 1992. —Peter McLaughlin”

Ever since I heard this poem recited by Rick Gonzalez’s character Timo Cruz I have been in love with this poem.  It is one of my favourite poems of all times. Though Ctuz changed the words and excluded God I thought God made the poem more powerful as in even if you don’t believe you have to admit that the way God symbolically is used here is pretty amazing.

This poem for anyone feeling down 🙂